A Man Books A Doctor’s Appointment For His Huge p3nis
A man books a Doctor’s appointment for his huge p3nis. He
books the appointment with the doctor and goes into to see
him and explains, “D-d-d-d-doctor I have a really bad
s-s-s-stutter caused by all the b-b-b-b-blood going to my
huge p-p-p-p-p3nis” The doctor takes a look and can see
that is the case. They come to an agreement that the man
must have his p3nis reduced to a normal size to help with
blood flow and stop the stutter. A week later and the doctor
conducts the surgery and removes most of the p3nis and
leaves it off to the side and stitches the man up. He wakes
up and without a doubt, no stutter! “Thank you doctor this
will be life changing!” A week passes and the man comes
back down to see the doctor. “Doctor i have been able to
talk fine but the issue is the girls don’t like me
anymore, I used to get all the ladies with my huge p3nis,
now they don’t like me, I need you stitch my p3nis back
on. “The doctor replies, “g-g-g-g-go fu*ck yourself”
Unexpectedly, An Artist’s Wife Started Having s3x With Him Every Day
Unexpectedly, an artist’s wife started having s3x with him
every day. Though quite unusual, he didn’t question his
luck, deciding to just enjoy the ride. One day, his wife
approached him. “Honey? Can you sketch a picture for
me?” “Of course!” he replied. “What should I
draw?” “What you think our baby will look like. “He
stared back at her, eyes wide. Then, sighing heavily, he
grabbed a pencil and pad, quickly sketched out a picture,
and pushed it toward her. “What the hell is this?” she
laughed, surveying the page. It was just a stick figure
firing a gun at another stick figure, smiling, with no
wounds showing on his stick body. “I asked you to imagine
what our baby would look like!” she repeated. “And I got
a vasectomy five years ago,” he said. “So I drew a
blank.”
A Rich Dude And His Wife Were Having Dinner
A rich dude and his wife were having dinner at a fancy
joint. This absolutely stunning young woman comes over to
the table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then
says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares
at him: “Who the hell was that ? “Oh”, replies the
husband casually, “She’s my mistress.” “Why you son
of a bitch, that’s the last straw” says the wife.
“I’m done with you, I want a divorce!” “I can
understand that,” he sez, “but remember, divorce means
no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in
Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more new Jaguars in
the garage at Christmas and no more yacht club. But, the
decision is yours, my dear.” At that moment, George, a
friend of husband, shows up at the same restaurant with a
gorgeous blonde babe on his arm. “Who’s that woman with
George?” demands the wife. “That’s his mistress,”
says her husband. “Ours is prettier”, she replies.
I Haven’t Had s3x Since 1956
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made
love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.”
The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with
me and let me make your night better.” The woman and
general went back to her apartment and made passionate love
for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the
general and said “Well, you sure haven’t forgotten
anything since 1956…” The general looked at her,
confused, and replied “I sure hope not, it’s only 2130
now.”
Husband Asks Wife What Will Make Me Happy And Sad At Same Time
A Husband looks at his wife and says… “I bet you can not
say something that will make me happy and sad at the same
time.” The wife thinks for a second then says. Your tool
is 2 inches bigger then your brothers
A Mother Is In The Kitchen Making Dinner
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come
from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says,
“Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married.
One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and
have s3x.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother
continues, “That means the daddy puts his p3nis in the
mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The
child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night
when I came into your room you had daddy’s p3nis in your
mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my
dear. Jewelry
Husband Gets Home And Tells His Wife
Husband gets home and tells his wife “quick, get me a beer
before it starts.” She gets the beer. He chugs it and says
“quick, get me another before it starts.” She obliges.
Husband again chugs it and says “quick, get me another
beer before it starts.” The wife replies “if you want
another beer you lazy bastard get your fat ass up and get it
yourself!” Husband murmurs “shit, it started.”
Dad asked me for the Vaseline
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny
answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No,
he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your
mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the
shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out
soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the
Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
A Lady Comes Home From Her Doctor’s Appointment
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning
from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so
happy?” The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a
forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen
year old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did
he say about your forty-five year old ass?” She said,
“Your name never came up in the conversation.”
A Male Patient is Lying in Bed in The Hospital
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an
oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A pretty, young,
student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
‘Nurse’, he mumbles, from behind the mask. ‘Are my
testicles black? ‘Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,
‘I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper
body and feet. ‘He struggles to ask again, ‘Nurse,
please check. Are my testicles black?’ Concerned that he
may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry
about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his
manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then,
she takes a close look and says, ‘There’s nothing wrong
with them, Sir!’ The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles
at her and says very slowly: ‘Thank you very much. That
was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely…… ‘Are
my test results back?”